People don’t have a clue really what is going on with anyone. Sometimes includes family & friends, you try to talk to them in your head, but actually telling them is whole different story. I myself have struggled with depression and my last breakdown was quite a few years ago and that was down to him thinking of himself and me making sure he was ok and that he grieved and it came to point where I was working myself into the ground with work, looking after a home, trying to keep fit and taking care of him and I let him get away with a lot, he would go out with work and not have a sec thought about me and the time he came in and that I worried about him. But it all came to a head and I actually spotted it and went to see my doc. This one I was able to help myself more but knew I had to be more selfish and look after myself.

Even through all the shit I have gone through since he walked out, I have been upset of course. But handled myself on more of a mature way and made sure I didn’t get too low. But I still struggled and have too moments of wanting to end it and felt so lone. I don’t talk to anyone as I just don’t want to put my problems onto them, which could be why I have put these walls up and won’t let anyone in but also afraid too. I just want to be hugged by someone who wants to be with me, which use to be my best friend – ex husband and how do u move on from all the hurt he caused and the 2 sentences he said which makes me know I am ugly and repulsive, I wish I saw if there was a beautiful person there but don’t.

Stress / depression is a illness which only that person can or can’t control and it’s always a massive struggle to stay and keep fighting but I try to use humour and not show anyone that I am struggling and I wish I could not be like this!

I do want to look more into these things but I need to start liking me first!